This really melted my heart while at the same time hurt my heart that you have had to endure this, ahem, journey. One thing that helps me, that God had to help me to learn, is that our parents are just very lacking humans, just like us. Almost always, when a parent is so hurtful to their child, it has NOTHING to do with the child, but more about their own issues, baggage, situations we are totally unaware of, etc. After I read the book "the Blessing", I began digging into my parents past and everything started making more sense. Parents can't give us what they weren't given, or as in my case, weren't capable of seeing past their issues or resolving their issues, so I paid the price. God wanted me to break this cycle and truly be free of it. And part of that was forgiveness. Sooo not easy when someone you love hurts you when you are growing up and need them the most, but God wants you free. It also helps me to see them as hurting and lacking themselves. Today I am free of it all but I do also "guard my heart" and do for my parent, when and only when it is safe and on my terms. I am so excited for your seeking this and know He will be with you through it all.
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