How could a place with such a lovely view be where I fought to continue my life?  Room 10 of the Critical Care Unit, whose windows overlook New York's waterways; where you can see the Circle Line Tour boats; and tugboats pushing and dragging enormous barges...one needs to remind themselves they are in a critical care unit, not at a vacation resort.

Unfortunately, my surgery of April 15th did not go well.  Instead of being in the hospital for 3 days, my stay was 9 days.   The hernia was very difficult to repair as my intestines were looped into it in many ways; the surgery for both the hernia repair and tummy tuck took 5 hours...During this time my blood pressure kept falling alarmingly low; I became dehyrated and had to be given fluids in the OR.  I awoke to find the breathing tube still in my throat and my hands tied down....a horrible feeling I experienced once before.  When the tube was finally removed I found myself gasping for air.  The medical team kept telling me that "it only felt like I couldn't breathe".  Nooooooo, I kept screaming, I can't breathe.  I told them they either gave me something I'm allergic to and my throat is closing up or there is something wrong with my lungs.  One 'idiot' nurse said that if I didn't stop complaining she would have them put the breathing tube back down my throat!  Bob, my dh, was in the recovery room with me and almost knocked her out!....  Well, they gave me a huge dosage of benydril...now I still couldn't breathe but besides that, they gave me so much benydril, I was having a hard time communicating.  FINALLY, someone realized, yup she can't breathe.....they did a scan.....I developed 3 blood clots in my lungs during the operation!   This left me in critical condition for 5 days; needed a blood transfusion; had to be monitored and now I am on coumadin for at least 6 months with a need to be monitored weekly....  This whole episode has left me drained physically and emotionally.  I am in a lot of pain; still have 2 drains (which every time I need to empty them I become ill..... 

Don't know how I would have gotten through this ordeal without my dh.  He was at the hospital everyday, morning till night. 

I am left with my thoughts...and I can't help but reflect on the fact that I was supposed to have this surgery on February 21st, but cancelled it when my dear mom passed away on February 20th.   I keep thinking was it her way of telling me to not have the surgery....should I have not rescheduled the surgery; should I have lived with the hernia and taken my chances that if my intestines became 'strangled' then I would have emergency surgery...so many questions circling my mind, with no real answers to be found.

I do know I am having a great ole pity party; and the pain meds are giving me that 'lalala' feeling I recall from my youth of being stoned while listening to Bob Dylan....and I know that in a month's time I will be feeling like my old self.  But for now.....life is, in a word, CHITTY!

Miss you all; your thoughts and prayers are so appreciated; can't wait to start feeling well enough to play again!!!!!!!